Okay, so I haven't really done a good post in a long while. Mostly because I've been busy and I've felt like if I whined too much about it I would start becoming depressed again -- which is not something I want for my life anymore. But sometimes it's good to get things said and off my chest. Even if the other person never reads or hears anything about it, right?

So I like this guy named Adam. He's really cool and we've got a lot in common as far as likes and dislikes. I'd totally be willing to try the whole dating thing with him. He's what I think I've been looking for in a guy. Nice, dresses normal, likes anime, enjoys playing video games, watching movies, hanging out at home, and he's also playful. He's really easy to talk to and fun. I just seem to have a good time around him, and he doesn't make me feel stupid. I'm almost positive he is aware that I'm attracted to him, but there could be some confusion on that. And I have no idea if he thinks of me as anything but a friend, I know he doesn't want to date anyone at the current moment because he just ended a long relationship and he's got some things going on with his best friend, and he even told me he kind of liked a girl in Mobile. So I know I stand as friend and we hang out a lot, but I'd just like to know if he is even remotely attracted to me or am I just kidding myself big time with this. I mean it kind of stabs at my confidence, which I just keep ignoring because I am good enough for someone. Also I don't want to compete, mostly because I don't feel as if I measure up against other people. It's a running battle, so I've backed off of the whole thinking about dating him -- at least I think so. And it's just really fustrating because I can't read him all that well, at least when it comes to me. I'm clueless on the whole dating thing, I've kept to myself for the past four years because I've been working on me and honestly too busy to even concern myself with it. But lately, I've just come to my senses and basically don't want to continue like I have been. It's been kind of empty really. Sadly enough I've also gotten really jealous of someone who's like a sister to me, my best friend Allie. I hang out with her and my cousin a lot -- they've been dating for three years now-- and I see how their relationship is and I know not everything is greener on the other side but I can't help but get a little upset over it since I see them every day just about. Also -- I have no idea why but I just get really jealous and a bit emotional when I find out that Adam would rather talk to her about certain things then me. Which is ridiclious because I know that neither one of them has designs on each other, but it kind of makes me feel like that friend that you see occasionally and hang out with don't really talk about in depth things. At least on Adam's side, Allie talks to me about everything -- even her love life with my cousin. Which took me some time getting used to.

So I've had two panic attacks over this before I've slowly accepted the fact that I might just always be the friend, which is funny cause that seems to be how it goes every time with me. It's a little disconcerning but I'm working through it. I want to be a better person, and not the way I was a few years ago. God that was terrible and I never want to go back to that again.

School is going good, can't really complain too much. I mean I could but it'd be pointless becaue Organic chemistry will suck no matter how much I complain about it. My other classes are somewhat of a joke, because they aren't ones that I need for my major but just so I can graduate and easy A classes. I'm hoping to be able to take a class for May term down at the sea lab in Mobile. We'd be studying sea turtles and I'd get to have more classes with my friend Erin. Also it'd be considered an elective which Montevallo is sadly lacking in on the biology front. I've gotten some new friends, which I'm happy with and I've managed to keep most of my old ones intact though they all seem to be getting ingaged/ married and or pregnaunt. Which I have a hard time geting over because mostly the idea of marriage at this age scares the shit out of me and I can't even imagine being pregnaunt while trying to do college course work. Well really marriage already scares me and I don't think it should be taken lightly, having been a by product of a bad divorce I don't want to experience it or put someone else through what I went through ever, again something I'm working on overcoming. I can't let that fear keep me from experienceing something that should be incredidable and along with the fear of having children -- though not sure I'll get over that one easily. So many things could go wrong on that front. Enough to send me into a panic attack if I think too hard on it. lol.

My family life is average. We all have our problems and stuff but that's not something usuall really. I'm sure they'll always be there but at least I'm getting better about dealing with my mother. I've started losing some weight -- which is good and I'm happy about it. Though honestly I should be going to the gym way more then I have been. Especially since it's expensive and such a nice gym that my family joined.

So...I think that's it.

What does it mean when a person says I'll talk to you tomorrow, and then never calls or texts? Or am I just being paranoid in thinking that they've forgotten about me so easily?

A cry for help.....I just want someone.

Attention fellow authors! I have been plagiarized by another author on fanfiction.net. She has copied and pasted from my hard work and claimed it as her own. I am outraged, hurt and highly upset by this person.

This is the link to my story it was published in 6/9/08: http://www.fanfiction.net/s/4312329/1/Office_Problems

This is the link to Gin kiOhikari's story, which was published  8/24/09:  http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5328532/1/Office_Affairs

I have already notified fanfiction.net, and I hope they plan to do something about this. If not then I will contact the other author myself, asking her to take it down but right now I can not do so because of how angry I am. Especially by what is written in her author's note.

Hokey, so it's been a while since I've updated this. But honestly it's because I've been busy with everything. It's like I don't even have time to think anymore. >< 

But I've been going back over all the writings that I'm still not caught up on, so I'm planning to keep working on that list. It's in an earlier post somewhere....anywho. I haven't backed out of those yet, just taking me longer to get them all done and for the ideas and story to flow. Lately nothing has been flowing in my direction or in the way that I want it. Ugh, life is so harsh that way. lol.

Title: Not Anymore.
Author: lilmisfits8811 (aka: despaired_poet)
Character/Pairing: Vegeta/Bulma
Word count: 2,143
Rating/Warning: R
Disclaimer/Authors Notes: I don't own Dragonball Z. Cause if I did, then we'd totally get to see how Bulma and Vegeta got together during those three freaking years. Also has not been beta read.

Disclaimer: I don’t own DBZ. This was written as a gift to Spike’s Savior.

 

( Not Anymore... )

 

I'm getting burned out on things, mostly school and work. It's all I ever do...which results into me not studying for my chemistry test like I should. I hate it yet can't seem to make myself do anything about it. I'm just so tired lately --and sore-- but I guess I'll continue on ward. I haven't had much of a chance to write what I want to write, cause well always doing something for some class...or just not doing anything at all because I'm tired and just want to relax.

Small update: I got thrown from Kasey's horse. Nothing broken...just sore all over.

You know, what is it about people that they can just ignore me, like I'm not even there? And these people are supposedly my friends! I mean really? I ask you to come over and watch movies and you can't even give me the time of day? All you can say is you'll ask your mom, and then never tell me if you're actually going to come or not. Well that fucking hurts you know. I mean I have feelings, I'm not some emotionless robot. I am so tried of this....so I guess I'll just stop talking to all of them. Not like it would actually matter.

Title: X-Rated Candy Hearts.
Author: lilmisfits8811 (aka: despaired_poet)
Character/Pairing: Grimmjaw/Orihime
Word count: 3,646
Rating/Warning: R
Disclaimer/Authors Notes: I don't own Bleach.This is for the prompt exchange with Kaida. I'll most likely have the candy hearts appear in a few more fics, they are just too much fun to play with. And I think this is the best I've written in a month and a half.

 

( X Rated Candy Hearts. )